JEFF PROBST: Previously, on Survivor 3.01: The Yukon: In a tense and emotional Tribal Council, Roger and Kitten each received three votes. However, due to the tiebreaker being previous votes received, Kitten was voted out of the Yukon, leaving with a display of false good cheer normally reserved for political candidates who lose by a landslide.
[Sampo Campsite. Mickey is busy doing some woodcarving.]
MICKEY: Oh, boy, look at what I have here. Look at this. I found this nice, flat piece of wood. It’s perfect for making a spoon. Ideal.
RUBY: I’m worried about Mickey.
ROGER: Well, shoot, he’s just makin’ a spoon, no harm in that. He’s as busy as a one-armed paper-hanger. In church.
MICKEY: I think I’ll call this the “über spoon”. Über. Do you know what that means, Roger? Über?
ROGER: “Über”; from the German, meaning “over”, “above”, or “superior”. Or more colloquially, “Super”. Yew’ve made a “Super Spoon”. Is that about right?
MICKEY: Yes. That’s right. You want to try out this spoon? Use it?
ROGER: Boy, yew is as crazy as a bedbug. In church.
[Tree Mail]
No race, no search, no hill to climb.
Prepare to kill a lot of time.
An Immunity Challenge to test your will.
Which will it be, steam or chill?
NEIL: You sure that last word isn’t ‘chili’? Because I could sure go for a nice hot bowl of chili right about now.
EULABELLE: … No, it says ‘chill’. How could it be ‘chili’? …That wouldn’t rhyme.
NEIL: Well, I thought maybe they were experimenting with free verse, or something.
TORGO: You know… THESE… pre-Challenge… DISCUSSIONS … are becoming… INCREASINGLY… contrived.
[Immunity Challenge]
JEFF PROBST: Survivors, welcome! First order of business: You are now one Tribe.
[Several of the Survivors jump up and down with excitement.]
JEFF PROBST: Yes, I knew you’d be thrilled. Kind of sad, really. You can pick a name for yourselves later because I’m sure it will be a mind-numbingly boring process. Immunity is now an individual goal, and the cheesy Immunity Idol has been replaced by an even cheesier Immunity Necklace.
Anyway, as for the Challenge. We’ve cleared an old-growth forest so that you could each have a stump to stand on. Above each stump is a bucket of nice, hot water. You need to hold it in position by keeping your arm raised, and if you lower your arm, the bucket will empty on your head, and you will be eliminated. Last person remaining wins Immunity.
[The Survivors take their positions, and are rigged to the buckets via an elaborate system of pulleys.]
MR. B NATURAL: Is this something the Inuit people indigenous to this region do, Jeff?
JEFF PROBST: If it helps you, B, yes, it is. Survivors ready? GO!
[At Jeff’s signal, the Survivors… just kind of… stand around. Several of the Survivors go out quickly, and are rewarded with a nice warm shower. After six hours, only Glen and Georgia remain, and appear to be equally determined to win Immunity. Georgia resorts to psychological torture.]
GEORGIA: (singing): ~o/ Thinkin’ that he’s workin’ up a appetite. Gonna have a little Afternoon Delight. Skyrockets in flight! Vrooooooom! Afternoon Delight! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaafternoon Delight! o/~
RUBY: Woo hoo! Sing it, girl!
GLEN: Oh God. No more. Listen, Georgia. Let’s do rock, paper, scissors. OK?
GEORGIA: Fine by me.
[Glen, not surprisingly, goes with ‘rock’. Georgia holds out her palm: paper.]
GEORGIA: Paper covers rock. You lose.
GLEN: Oh, come on! Look at my fist. It’s the size of the Chrysler Building! There’s no way your puny little paper hand covers my rock! Can I get a ruling, Jeff?
JEFF PROBST: Sorry, Glen. If you recall from your Survivor Contract, in any and all disputes settled by “rock, paper, scissors”, the decision arrived at by such adjudication is final.
[Glen realizes he has been outwitted, as well as outplayed and outlasted, and lowers his arm. In the six hours since the Challenge began, his bucket has frozen into a solid mass of ice, which falls onto his skull and shatters. When the ensuing blizzard clears, Georgia is wearing the Immunity Necklace.]
JEFF PROBST: All right, then. I’ll see all of you tomorrow night at Tribal Council, and I’ll expect you to have a new name for your Tribe by then.
[Formerly Konga Campsite]
TORGO: WHAT… shall we… NAME… the new… TRIBE?
RUBY: Something… smarmy.
GLEN: It doesn’t matter much to me. I have the feeling I’m not going to be around much longer.
MR. B NATURAL: It doesn’t matter to me, either. You could call it “Flute-players Anonymous”, for all I care.
MICKEY: I have an idea. A suggestion. “Rowsdower”. It’s a Canadian word, meaning “bloated side of pork”.
GEORGIA: “Row slower”?
ROGER: “Worm Power”?
MELISSA: (no spelling suggestions)
MR. B NATURAL: Rowsdower?
EULABELLE: Sounds like somethin’ you’d call a zombie!
[Later, Mickey and Roger are discussing important matters.]
ROGER: Hey, yew gonna take care of that thing we was talkin’ about?
MICKEY: What’s that?
ROGER: Yew know, who we’re votin’ off.
MICKEY: Oh yes. You mean…
[Suddenly, Glen looms into view. Roger and Mickey look Glen square in the ankle, and after an awkward pause, head off in different directions.]
JEFF PROBST: Well, this seems like as good a time as any to take a break. Lots of big changes today. The Tribes merged, and then we all had to stand around in the cold for six hours in what we can only hope will go down in the Survivor annals as the silliest Immunity Challenge ever. So we’ll see you next time, on Survivor!
Day 21
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